So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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