You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize