and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
