Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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