I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
