just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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