and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
