How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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