I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
