Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
