My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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