So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
did i just pee glitter
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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