i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
