corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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