Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
