she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
