If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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