2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
