i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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