just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
