I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
