oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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