I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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