Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
