Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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