I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize