Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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