did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize