i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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