new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
