I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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