i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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