some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My ATM looks so different sober.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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