Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
