Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
