I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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