At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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