community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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