Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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