I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
