i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
