i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
