Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
