I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
