wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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