Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Come on in and take your pants off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
