Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
