nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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