Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
