Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
