I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
