I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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