We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
