I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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