I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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