While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
