none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was born a porn star she said
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
