I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
