I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
