My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
