So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
