Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize