Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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