Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
