I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
