don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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