I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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