fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
