note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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