goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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