Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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