I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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