Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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