if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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