Say something about gay babies.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize